Category: Fear

I see no compassion…

On By jovisgoesIn Family, Fear, Life, Poetry, Point of View, Poverty, Regret, Women's Rights1 Comment

She was so young
she was poorly educated
she took drugs and drank far too much
she was so vulnerable
so very pregnant
so terribly scared
so desperately poor…and alone.
 

She took a step!

 

She took more drugs
and drunk more booze
and figured to die
she had nothing to lose.
 

But the baby!

 
It didn’t die.
She didn’t die.
 

Did she get help?
Was she given counselling?
Is she now able to breathe a sigh of relief
that someone stepped in for her!
 

No!
 

She is in prison.
She is charged with
the attempted murder
of her baby.

 
Of course she was wrong.
But the law is too strong.
She needed help.
She needs help.
 

She is a victim too!

 

©Joe Wilson – I see no compassion… 2014

All that is…

On By jovisgoesIn Belief, Father, Fear, Life, Loss, Love, Poetry, Point of View, Re-assuring, Regret, wisdom5 Comments

He died in a pool of disgust
after a lifetime of self-loathing
a life in which he had abused people
their trust, and even his own family’s good name.

He had been a terrible person by his own reckoning
and he was filled with remorse — but also self-pity.

It was thus that he found himself before his Maker
and he fully expected errors had been made in the direction
of his post-life travel arrangements.

His Maker looked at him and said,
“You are one sorry son,
and you’ve been a great disappointment.”

“I”, he spluttered.

“Interrupt me not, for I am not in the least finished.
You have stolen yet not hurt, you have hurt though not killed,
you have killed but only in the name of your country,
peace and negotiation and compromise seemingly beyond
the gift of human understanding.”

he heard him say,
for he was far too afraid to look upon his countenance.

“You have cursed and been ungodly
but you have cared for your old neighbour.
You have drunk to excess and yet have always
got to and done a days work.

Heaven only knows how sometimes.

You have had fights in the streets
though you have indeed tried to reform.
You have never listened to My Word
when I could have helped you and
it surely pained me to see you struggle.
You are one mixed-up man.”

He was agog as his sorry life was so
painfully listed before him, and
he was sorely afraid of his fate.

His Maker went on, “However,
you are basically a good man adrift.
somewhat confused and in a morass of self-doubt,
and I would not cast you down to my
Greater Disappointment below,
where you would surely not enjoy
— a single moment.

Get yourself in here lest I change my mind.
Do not think that this is the end of it, for
you have much to redeem yourself for
and my rooms are many.”

Without another word his Maker disappeared
and he was amidst a wondrous throng.
He felt completely enlightened and knew
he had been saved. His heart was so full
and he felt a goodness he’d never known.
He truly wished he could pass this feeling
on to those he had left behind and that
he could make up for his past wrong-doing.

“You will my boy,” he heard. “You will.”

 

©Joe Wilson – All that is… 2014

 

The inhumanity of it all…

On By jovisgoesIn Anger, Armageddon, Belief, Deprivation, End of Days, Faith, Fear, Life, Loss, Poetry, Point of View, political, Regret, Terror, The World, War1 Comment

After the dark shall cometh the light
Exploded into by man’s devilish slight
To ruin the land and dominate all
The Earth falls into a deathly pall.

Sides will get taken along the way
The poor of learning will never get a say
The rich and clever will make the rules
History shows the poor are their tools.

A poor woman begs for work or bread
Her very rich neighbour kicks her in the head
And laws are passed to keep them down
And hidden from view on behalf of the crown.

Arguments start and war then breaks out
That guileless citizens know nothing about
But involved they become as their faith is then tested
Forced into arms for the thoughts they’ve invested.

Only a minority will claim they’re the proudest
But they have the guns and their voice is the loudest
We get swept along and get hurt on the way
Young children in war games with no time for play.

After the dark shall cometh the light
Exploded into by man’s devilish slight
He ruins the land and dominates all
As Earth now descends into it’s deathly pall.

©Joe Wilson – The inhumanity of it all… 2014

On reflection…

On By jovisgoesIn Anger, Fate, Fear, guilt, Life, Poetry, political, Poverty, Regret, The World, Time, War, Women's RightsLeave a comment

I rise from my nice warm bed
and having made a morning drink
for my beloved wife, and one for me,
I run a bath.
As I luxuriate
in that warm bubbled water
I reflect on how lucky I am.

Later, washed and dressed for the day
I sit at the table and enjoy
a fine meal from God’s harvest
and again I reflect, and I feel…
guilt!

Guilt for the small children
who have no homes in which to feel safe
guilt that so many of them
will not eat again today.

I feel guilt
for all of the poor women around the globe
who will this very day give birth
to babies who they will surely love
but in whose having they had no choice…
no one ever hears their terrified voice.
Poor women beaten by poverty
who still struggle to feed those children
and yet too those who violate them so.

I feel guilt for all the men who cannot be made
to realise that the world is not theirs to design,
and at the way that some men feel
their own importance trumps all other considerations,
and guilt at all of the war ravaged lands.

And when I look down at the bounteous fare before me
I feel only one thing – shame.

 

©Joe Wilson – On reflection… 2014

Trick…definitely not a treat…

On By jovisgoesIn Fear, Halloween, Poetry, TerrorLeave a comment

devilish

 

It was just a shadow

but the way it moved

scared the bejeebers out of me.

 

I was just about to put the key in the door

when the big black shadow

passed  through me and cast itself

right down the hallway

 

…and then it was gone.

 

It was raining and very windy

and after a short sharp shake of the head

I dismissed it and entered

and switched on the lights

– all of the lights.

 

Hang on…

How had a shadow been cast in the pitch black darkness!!

 

I was already miserable enough

I’d had a really difficult day at work

Dealing politely with someone you’d call a jerk!

 

 

Suddenly – there was a sharp rap at the door

which upon opening revealed

children, one, two, three, four

“Trick or treat, Mister”, the young leader said

at which I grinned heartily

and recalling the juvenescence of earlier days

I was rushed back to reality and to him I said

“Trick”

fully expecting and prepared for a hideous mask or something.

 

In less time than it takes to say ‘Abracadabra’

the whole scene before me

turned red

I couldn’t make out at first what I was seeing

but then I realised that everything, everything was red.

Houses, trees, cars, even all the people

were all red.

Fiery red!!

 

I was in Hell – and I was terrified.

There was a long deep laugh

coming from – I didn’t know where.

it just surrounded everything

including me – what was going on?

 

And then I remembered.

“No!! Treat!!,

I shouted at the top of my voice

and just as suddenly as it had all appeared

it vanished.

“That’ll be a dollar Mister.” the youngest lad said.

 

I gave him five dollars

and closed the door

and locked the door

and very firmly slid the bolts home

and put the chain into its slot too.

I went into the study and poured myself

a very large whiskey,

and sat down, still shaking,

in front of the fire.

 

I had never been so scared in my life.

 

 

©Joe Wilson – Trick…definitely not a treat…2014

 

I remember…

On By jovisgoesIn Family, Fear, Illness, Life, Love, Personal, Poetry, Point of View2 Comments

I remember
back to a time
when the black dog
hung around my neck
like a heavy yoke, I
could never be rid of
the terror that it
would not someday return
to seek me out and strike
me down again, and the knowing
how close I had come to succumbing.

I remember edging closer to the crowded
platform’s edge, too filled with fear to realise
the probable selfishness of what I was about to
do, only vaguely aware of where I actually was, but
just able to register that touch on my right arm
and the voice that quietly whispered, “I don’t really think
you want to do that.” I remember turning to see who’d said it
and seeing that there was just a crowd of people. Of the owner
of the voice there was no sign, but it had been enough.
It had been enough to make me realise where I was,
for the moment passed and I made my way back.

Back to the arms of the woman who had always loved me,
and who had carefully, lovingly, nursed me back to health
over such a long time. I wept. I put my head on her gentle
shoulder and I wept as I had never wept before. I wept for all
I still felt, and I wept for all the selfish anguish I would have
caused this woman had I let myself fall,

for that surely had been my intention.

©Joe Wilson – I remember…2014

This experience is my own. It followed a period of severe depression after a
subarachnoid haemorrhage in 1986. Thankfully the depression eventually lifted and
has long gone.