The bitterness is no longer a surprise It is a daily taste to relish Nothing seems to mean that much Those reaching out can’t feel my touch I have slowly immersed myself in grief And loneliness with the crowd Is found to be a small relief.
And yet, I ask myself tonight What right have I to shun my friends For there I’ll find a sense of peace As bitter feelings find release For they may feel such pain as I And hurt inside as much – and feel That awful, awful need to cry.
It’s sometimes so hard hard to breathe hard to focus hard to see any way forward so hard to want to live.
There is still so much to live for a child struggling to understand another thinking she does but hiding sadness a man so brave but yet so pained a woman so hurt by loss she cries she cries herself to sleep at night and you, a duty to help despite yourself.
And you and you… what of you?
Can you make your way again? through all of this pain…
Will you ever be happy? Again!
Life is surely a mystery and we can only ever do our best…
Recall a memory and have a smile Shuffle off the tragic thoughts for a while And open up your mind to joy Feelings these days you don’t employ. For you can see such times you laughed Till sadness swept through like a draught But happy memories can yet sustain A heart that feels so riven with pain.
A holiday snap in Trearddur Bay Everyone laughing, such a wonderful day Where happiness spread through childish fun A good time enjoyed by everyone. Such thoughts I’ll hold for evermore I was so lucky, of that I’m sure.
Sunday, and my garden offers me privacy I sit drinking essential coffee and I cogitate About all that has happened, all we have lost The bottles of whisky, my own body’s cost And I ponder some more and feel second rate.
I wish that you’d known the muse of my life For so many people loved my beautiful girl Her courage and her resolve so strong Friends all say how she was loved for so long In my last film of her she’s dancing a twirl.
I forced myself , I’ve had to, I really have To stop drinking whisky every night I think she’d say I was bat-shit crazy To spend so much time drinking and seeing life hazy So I’ve stopped because I know it’s so right.
So I’m digging a hole, in the ground, in the garden And the sweat runs so heavy down my back It’s a hole, just a hole, there’s nothing going in But it’s helping me a little, and perhaps I’ll get thin And it helps lift the mood when it’s black.
Grief sadness cling like cobwebs in the darkest corner mocking the tears that having flowed now dry in the air and leave that sticky dryness on your cheek. And a heart that pounds Too fast, too fast. Till slowly the Jack or Jim or Elias lulls you to a sleep where once again you face the nightmares where together you fight that terrible beast that tries to do you in. And by her side you win. But yet when dawn inevitably breaks you once again find yourself empty and alone…
No recognisable thoughts are in his mind these days Only sorrow for the loss, he feels so achingly sad He had never lived alone before, it wasn’t for him, normal His life at this time was the unhappiest he’d had.
He’d watched as she crumbled and the weight brought him sorrow He was crushed by the heartache that accompanies such loss He had not faired too well by himself to be quite honest Now he sits by the grave that slowly covers with moss.
And all that he waits for is for one day to join her The unbearable wait overwhelms him so much Only the end when it comes can now please him For he so hopes to find her for their hearts to retouch.
He’d loved her for all of the time he remembered Theirs was such love that one never defines Now he sits so lonely and awaits his dark angel To carry him back home to the love he so pines.