A Long Time Ago

I saw a sad man who had lost his love

he stood with a faraway gaze.

As lost as he looked, as sad as he was,

I was minded of long ago days.

 

Of a time before love

of a time full of pain

of the day that my big brother died.

 

I watched as the messenger carried the news

his face all ashen by the burden.

He bade me sit and imparted his news.

I cried, I cried, I CRIED!!

 

Time passes, pain eases, and life carries on

and you love and are loved in return.

But at night in the shadows inside of the dreams

the memories come back and they burn.

A Great Love

Looking back I see a woman of great beauty
and a man of much intensity.
Despite his modest looks she took him to her
and he loved her with his intenseness.
 
Their life was filled with passion and a great love
and later with children they both cherished.
They thought their life was made – and then
His head seemed to blow up, haemorrhage.
He repaired but was never the same.
She got the dreaded cancer.
She repaired but was never the same.
 
They’re older now but their love
after more than forty years remains a great love
while their bodies collapse about them.
They don’t give in, they carry on
What else is there?
…and they still love each other – greatly.

Vile Headaches Affect Everything

I sit, I listen, I think…I stop

and then it happens.

A thought, as a whisper from some distant place

swoops in for me to ponder…and all too soon, leaves

and I can’t recall it’s essence.

 

This will get worse – I fear for my mind

as life is never overly kind. I try to keep my thoughts in order as I

keep other parts of my life. I must remember to keep my hands strong

for when I’m hanging on the ledge of my sanity. Don’t give up! Don’t give up!

Anger

Shrouded in anger he dragged himself past

Cursing them, all of them, right to the last

People who knew him avoiding his look

But frankly my friend, he didn’t give a fuck!

A Day Not So Good

It started out like any other day. There was even the added bonus of a beautiful warm sun. But something quite unexpected caused me to lose my temper and it turned out to be not such a good day after all. Bummer!!

A Trip to New Zealand

This wasn’t the first trip we’d made to New Zealand, the first visit was ten years ago. It was funny really, our son Matt had been on a rather late ’finding yourself’ journey with his best friend Drew. They’d left it till they were both in their late twenties, Matt being the oldest by ten months. I don’t know who first mooted the idea of a year-long journey round Australia, but it’s the thing to do these days, so back in 1997 off they went. They sent us photographs that made our hair curl, difficult in my case as I have very little left, even less now. They related adventures about herding beasts on a huge cattle station, going to a rodeo, feeding crocodiles in the Adelaide River in what seemed like little more than a small dinghy. All manner of seemingly frightening but obviously exciting activities were being relayed to us. At the end however, Drew came home from their final leg in New Zealand, and Matt stayed behind. He’d met and fallen in love with a young woman and just didn’t want to leave her. Anyway, long story short, he did eventually make his way home, for just two months, and then went back…to live. My wife, Daphne, and I received a phone call in late December 2002 to the effect that if we wanted to be at our son’s wedding we would need to be in New Zealand by March 1st 2003. It was said in a kind and jokey way, but my boy was serious, as serious as I’d ever known him be. We duly arrived and had a wonderful welcome from Matt and all his friends, and attended a beautiful wedding on a beach under a clear blue sky. The bride was delivered by motor launch, and everything was fabulous. We’ve visited most years since, and are almost treated like locals in the Bay of Islands where Matt and his wife Vickie, and their son Damian live.
 
Fast forward to February 4th 2013. Daphne and I were just rising, it was nearly eight o’clock, when the phone rang. A phone call can change everything in  just a matter of moments. It did. Our son we were told, had been in a major traffic accident and was as we were talking, being airlifted to Auckland City Hospital. He’d already been airlifted to a hospital nearer, but they weren’t confident that they could deal with his internal injuries, hence the further trip to Auckland. We were immediately into fight and flight mode at the same time. We had to fight our inner desires to keep going over the potential outcome and wear ourselves into the ground with worry, and we had to get a flight…and fast. I’m thankful for the Internet in many ways, I use it for many useful things. But I was never more thankful than that morning when I was able to go online and book a flight, almost immediately. We couldn’t get a flight for a fortnight with Singapore Air, who we normally fly with, but fortunately I was able to book a flight with Air New Zealand. A trip that we would normally plan over a few months, was planned and executed in a week. We landed in Auckland on February 12th where we were met by Vickie and Pam, who’s a wonderful friend, and almost a mother to Vickie. Pam also left her car at our disposal for most of our stay, she’s just like that.  We were then taken to see Matt at Auckland City Hospital.
 
During the previous week when we’d been preparing to fly over Matt had had several operations. The voluntary Fire Service in Kerikeri had done a fantastic job in getting him out of his truck, he’d had to be cut out of his double-cab pickup, but it was believed he’d perforated his duodenum. That was the reason he was flown on to Auckland. There was also the matter of the compound fracture of his right femur, his shattered knee, and the top of his tibia broken away from the rest of it and being pulled away by the ligaments, as well as a damaged shoulder and bruised ribs etc. The surgeons at Auckland CH put the leg into a metal frame while they worked on the duodenum, it was fortunately a bruise and after some days of resting it, Matt was taken to surgery again for the nine hour operation to repair his leg. The tibia was re-glued and screwed together, the knee was totally rebuilt, and a titanium rod was used to re-join the femur. Matt now has a scar at the top of his right buttock where the rod was inserted…awesome!! His right leg is covered in scars actually.
 
When we first set eyes on Matt I remember thinking how frail he looked, I should point out that he is six feet four inches tall and wouldn’t look out of place on a rugby pitch normally. He was clearly in such pain, he was using a morphine self-injector tube and was getting a lot of other painkillers too. I never heard him complain once, but I was shocked to the core to see him like that. He’s forty four years old, he could have been ten, it didn’t matter, he was our son and we’d had to come just to hold him and to help in any way we could, and know he’d be alright.
 
Since then Matt’s made amazing progress. He’s not wearing the brace that was helping him to bend his knee, the surgeon chose to let him decide for himself when he felt he could bend his leg and he’s been able to do just that. If he goes round any shops, such as in Auckland where Matt and Vickie spent the day after we said our goodbyes at the airport, he hires a wheelchair to make it a little less painful. It will probably be twelve months, maybe more, before my son’s leg is properly healed. It may never be as good as it was before this horrendous crash. Daphne and I are just grateful that he wasn’t hurt even worse, and that he’s getting better all the time, and that on his own admission he’s been lucky. He’ll have scars to talk about for years to come.
 
Matt’s New Zealand family and friends, and the people he works for have been incredibly supportive, and his workmates have been absolutely fantastic. They’ll look after him and Vickie till we go again – preferably after a more leisurely planning time.

The Big Freeze? I think not!

There have been so many programmes on television this last few days you could almost think we were going through another Ice Age.

Let me just say…we have not had that much snow, ice, or fog. Notwithstanding the very bad winters of 1947 and 1963, even in recent history there have been some bad snowfalls. There was one in 1968, another in 1975 (I think), another in 1980 (I know this one. I fell on thick ice and broke my leg twice, the second time before the first one was mended.) We had a few others through the 1980s and 1990s, and of course 2009 was a bit rough. Only a bit rough though, not the terrifying monster weather that the media is trying to convince us about. Children should be in school, teachers should be in school. If teachers were, children would be. In fact parents are getting their children to school only to find that teachers can’t get…I wonder why that is? Now. as are some airports, the powers-that-be are making cancellations and closures in advance, predicting gloom rather preparing to take difficulty on head first. Pathetic!

Children should be out playing with snowballs and making snowmen, and sledging too…but after school has finished for the day.

The media should be collectively looking for the bright spots about the country, not gathering all the gloominess into continually and monotonously fear-expounding prophesies of even worse to come.

Death by the Gun

More news is coming in all the time about the harrowing aftermath of the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, and it’s hard to imagine that someone would come out and state that ‘the only answer to a bad man with a gun’ is a good man with a gun’. That however, is what the President of the NRA propounds. Not only that, he believes that every school on America should have an armed security presence. Irresponsibility comes in many forms it seems.

I have to admit that I was always a big fan of the film ‘The Big Country’. Funnily enough it’s two main male stars were diametrically opposed to each other when it came to many things, but firearms in particular. Well, we know that Charlton Heston was the President of the NRA and we all know his position concerning the bearing of  firearms. I do hope the rifle has been taken from his ‘cold dead hand’ by now. Gregory Peck did not like guns and sat on Handgun Control Inc. with others. In the film, at the dead of night when nobody is watching, the two men have a fight. They beat each other till neither can stand, though I favour Gregory Peck’s character could have gone on. Peck then says, “ Now, tell me. What did we prove?” What he proved was that more American citizens should have listened to a member of an anti-handgun campaigning group than listen to leaders of the NRA. The only people profiting from the sale of all these guns are the manufacturers of them.

In light of the fact that approximately 30,000 people die from gun violence a year in America, and not withstanding that that is over 6 times more than have been lost in the Middle East in the line of duty since 2003 (4300), and further taking note of the fact that there actually was an armed presence at Columbine when that massacre took place, I rather hoped that right thinking Americans would finally realise that in the 21st century there shouldn’t be a need for people to go armed during the normal course of their lives in a civilian environment. However, we hear that more and more weapons are being sold in case there is an embargo on weapon sales, and not only that, body armour for children is fast becoming necessary school wear. The insistence on the right to bear arms is creating a nightmare from which only further harm is guaranteed. Perhaps a little more attention needs to be paid to children’s right to have a life without the fear that always accompanies firearm misuse.

Wanton Slaughter

I woke up to the terrible news coming in from America last Friday, and no doubt,like every other right thinking person around the world, I was left reeling from the horror of it all. I’ve had the extreme good fortune to have had two very well balanced, intelligent, and attractive children. They in their turn have both married and set out on their own journeys through life’s many twists and turns.

My son chose a life in New Zealand where he had met and fallen in love with a lovely woman who already had a son. He is now my son’s son too. My wife and I love them all and visit them as often as we can.

My daughter lives and works in London with her husband, and has had two fabulous children. My wife and I have two wonderful grandchildren. We love them all too and see them often.

The horror of last Friday drove home to me, and no doubt many other people, how important life is, and how precious our family is. We’re fortunate in the United Kingdom in that guns don’t play a part in everyday life. There are of course occasional incidents of brutality where guns play a part, but thankfully they are few. We really do need to make sure that we never give in to the suggestions that crop up from time to time that our police should be armed. Were that to happen, I’m convinced that criminals would see it as a necessity to arm themselves too.  I believe that the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut proves that the complete absence of guns could only be a good thing. Whilst that of course, is not really achievable, keeping the access to them at a minimum is the next best thing. we can only hope that Americans will realise this too and support President Obama’s efforts to reach such a goal in the United States.

Crap

Depression has called again. It was just a word and it all came flooding back. Worthlessness, that large word that says everything about me. This is not a good day.

I just hope it doesn’t hang about for as long as it did last time, for that was twenty years. Bollocks bollocks bollocks!!!