Category: Fun

Just for the hell of it

St Peter, humour, and the cost of drinking too much…

On By jovisgoesIn Ethereal, Faith, Fun, grass, Life, Poetry, Story Book, Time1 Comment

 

Mmm!
Mmm!

 

I looked over yonder
And what did I see
An elephant, yellow
By a big pink tree.

Elephant, yellow
This cannot be
Are my rheumy eyes
Playing tricks on me!

When I looked round again
I saw grass of red
Surely that grass
Should be green instead.

And then a blue horse
Trotted into the scene
’twas the funniest place
That I’d ever been.

I took a step further
As I was feeling bold
Whence a group of green angels
Carried me into the fold.

The rivers there were purple
And the oranges were grey
And everywhere I looked about
People were at play.

The happiness was warming
I felt it in my heart
I loved just being in here
I felt I was a part.

And then a very loud voice
Did sonorously boom
“Who do we have here now
In this lovely coloured room?”

My name is simply Joe
I very meekly did call out.
For I was far too bothered
To raise my voice above a shout.

A huge door then just opened
And I simply passed right through
A large bearded man then said
“How do you do.”

I said, “What was that place
Where the loud voice boomed.”
He said, “That Mr Nosey
Is the oddments ante-room.

“Anyway Mr Nosey
what is it that you want.
I’m waiting for a party
from a crash in North Vermont.”

“I’m a very busy man you know
Why are you even here?
Go off and get yourself back home
And drink a lot less beer.”

©Joe Wilson – St Peter, humour, and the cost of drinking too much…2014

 

στα όνειρα (In dreams)

On By jovisgoesIn Dreams, Ethereal, Fun, heroes, PoetryLeave a comment
NASA Interplanetary Super-highway
NASA Interplanetary Super-highway

I was never one to complain – like hell, I complain about all kinds of everything
Nonetheless I had never for a moment thought that I would be the one chosen to go
To travel that far with no guarantee I could ever come home
To live with the knowledge that we might lose everything I valued
But it was a risk I knew that one day I would take, a choice that one day I knew I’d make.

But Mars! This was gonna be one hell of a journey
One we’d trained for for years, one we’d hoped for all our lives
But way back then none of us had children and wives.

Blast off successful and we were heading up at thousands of feet a second
No going back now. Goddamn it, it was better than all the pot he’d ever smoked
But it was serious stuff, despite all of this and that that they joked.

But then when he thought about it he realised the nonsense of it all
We can’t even look after the planet that we live on
What right have we to go and probably destroy another one!!!

The spell was broken – he woke up. It was just a dream.

©Joe Wilson – στα όνειρα (In dreams)2014

A whimsical bit of nonsense about distance.

The Wise Old Tailor

On By jovisgoesIn Fun, Poetry, wisdomLeave a comment
Rinaldo Rinaldi
Rinaldo Rinaldi

He sits cross-legged with fingers poised
His needle threaded with fine silken cord
As a bright new pattern takes over all thought
He starts a new coat very soon to be bought.

In each and every coat that he’s made
A customer’s future has been finely inlaid
For the tailor is also a very wise man
And he makes people happier whenever he can.

This maker of scarves and coats of all sizes
Won praise from the King, who gave him nice prizes
The new coat he’s making is for the King’s son
And he’ll sew in much wisdom and lots of good fun.

When the day comes that the boy takes the throne
He’ll be filled with such wisdom as never he’s known
The tailor talks not of such things, he won’t tell
He just smiles to himself to see all that is well.

©Joe Wilson – The Wise Old Tailor 2014

Written for children to enjoy

A Windy Day by the Sea…

On By jovisgoesIn Family, Fun, holidays, Personal, PoetryLeave a comment

Walking along on the shingle spit
At Keyhaven near to Milford on Sea
You can almost touch the Isle of Wight
Less than a mile away o’er the lea.

Crab-fishing next at Mudeford Quay
With Lizzie and Sam on the nets
When off flies my hat which then lands in the sea
Chase is given but I’m taking no bets.

Later, me new-hatted, we sit by a pub
Enjoying our lunch and a chat
And we laugh at the turn of events in the day
Particularly at the flight of my hat.

Wearily later to our lodgings we go
Chicken Cacciatore for dinner, by me
We then all collapse and nod off to sleep
This just always will happen by the sea.

©Joe Wilson – A Windy Day by the Sea…2014

The January Sales (his only visit)

On By jovisgoesIn Fun, Poetry, SalesLeave a comment
Getty Images
Getty Images

While those around him were going mad
he stood completely still
then he saw what he was looking for
picked it up and went to the till.

The madness took him by surprise
it was truly beyond belief
so when he’d found what he wanted
he’d left with a sigh of relief.

Things were thrown and tempers flared
it was well beyond the pail
and that was the only visit he made
to a January sale.

©Joe Wilson – The January Sales (his only visit) 2014
[just a bit of fun]

His weird mania – (Superstition)

On By jovisgoesIn Belief, Fun, PoetryLeave a comment

black cat_edited

He lives his life holding a superstitious breath
And his mania is of other people’s or his death
If ever he encounters a funeral any day
He dives over a wall till it’s passed by his way.

He’ll wander round graveyards and look at the stones
And tell you the nature of the owner of the bones
For if flowers were growing he’ll tell you for free
The bones of a good person lay down underneath.
But if weeds there are growing they’d died in disgrace
For flowers could never take root in this place

He saw a white moth once fly into his home
So straight-away he said that to him death would come
And he totally refuses to call at his best friend’s flat
For he’s driven me crackers and I’ve bought a black cat!

©Joe Wilson – His weird mania 2014

My life less ordinary

On By jovisgoesIn Family, Friendship, Fun, Illness, Love, Personal, Poetry, Point of ViewLeave a comment

contentment-inner-peace (1)

As the years go flying past
you realise just how much
your perspective changes and
when I now look back at how
things were I realise that far
from having had an uneventful life
mine has been one so full and rich
with love and laughter that I wonder
that there was time for it all to fit.

How we laughed as we left the wedding reception
and all those ‘old fogeys’ and drove away
to enjoy our honeymoon together – alone!
and how we loved each other finding fun in
all that we did together, sometimes
just looking at each other – and how
highly amused we were by the ‘jobs-worth’
car-park attendant by our hotel who stuck his hand out
the moment we crossed his threshold and said
“ten pee please”, he did it every time we went
there, often just to hear him say it again, and
how beautiful you looked in that dress that was
covered in the lovely cherry design. I think
everybody else loved you too.

How wonderful the mead tasted as we sat by the
pub fire in a place we’d never before heard of
never letting go of each others hands for a minute
and how the regulars who treated us so nicely
must have thought we were a bit bonkers.

The joys in raising our beloved children and
the intertwining pain of watching them sometimes
get a little hurt along the way, but our always
being there to help them find their own right solutions
has helped weave a rich tapestry through our lives.
The times when you want to take their pain and
make it your own – but can’t, the smile on their faces
and their laughter as they play with friends and
of course the grumpy expressions as they rail against
doing homework and tidying things like bedrooms. But
what pride we felt at their achievements along the way.

And now they too are married, one on a beach
under a lovely blue sky on the other side
of the world, and one in a most beautiful
church in our capital city. We spend such a
lot of time laughing with our grandchildren,
they are so very clever, and so funny – and
they just make us feel so young again.

Illness – illness!! Now there’s an unfortunate
word, one that has been used in our lives rather
more often than we would like. My wife has been ill,
survived and can still love and laugh. I have too,
but I can still love and laugh. Our children are not
unscathed either from this darker part of growing older,
and yet they too still happily love and laugh very much
and with all their hearts. Illness really is just
a small percentage of our time here.

So now when I reflect on my life I realise that
far from being ordinary I have been very lucky
indeed to have taken part in a life that has overflowed
with love and fun and laughter and only the occasional
sadness and it’s then that we help each other through
to the other side of it. It turns out the fact is
there has been nothing ordinary about my life at all.

And I’ll not be bowing out yet – not yet

©Joe Wilson – My life less ordinary 2014

Charabanc on the run 1900

On By jovisgoesIn Family, Fun, PoetryLeave a comment

https://jovisgoes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/charabanc-on-the-run-1900.m4a

charabanc_edited

Racing now, well out of control
the charabanc rushed away down the hill
the man from in front who was carrying the red flag
ran after it with a powerful will
but the old charabanc had a full head of steam
and was not going to stop on its own
the driver it seems had left off the brake
and he too chased along as he moaned.

The speed limit set for this new kind of bus
was just four miles an hour at the most
but the speed it had gathered as it fair raced along
would easily get it first past the post
but this old charabanc was running on steam
so its boiler was pushing out clouds
and eventually all of the water ran dry
when it stopped in front of the crowds.

The driver caught up, the flagman caught up
as it happened there was no damage done
so they filled it with water and started it up
and sheepishly drove away from the fun
with the flagman in front with a frown on his face
as he listened to the charabanc’s hiss
for he no longer trusted the driver and his brake
and he was sure he’d not signed up for this.

©Joe Wilson – Charabanc on the run 1900

I dedicate this to my late grandfather-in-law, Norman, who as a boy carried the red flag. He later went on to own the company and I was very fond of him.

The sound file is inserted just for fun. If you read this aloud with as broad a Lancashire accent as you can manage you’ll get the idea I’m conveying. 🙂

The Date(s)

On By jovisgoesIn Fun, PoetryLeave a comment

bus-stop_edited

He made a promise to meet her, and she was running late
He decided he’d go and have a pint, where he could watch for his date
But when one girl got off the bus, and then another too
He knew he’d made a double-date and wasn’t sure what to do
And while he sat there wondering whatever would happen next
He noticed clearly both of them were looking rather vexed.

It’s not that he was fly-by-night, he’d made a genuine error
And now he waited in the pub, in a certain amount of terror.
Cowardly he chose to stay and hoped that both would go away
This they did before too long, his back was weak and his instincts strong.

©Joe Wilson – The Date(s)2014

My Grandfather made a double-date such as this when he was a young man in about 1907 I suppose it would be. It was a genuine error, and my Grandmother, who had a better sense of humour than the girls in the poem, easily forgave him. I actually never knew a man with a stronger back and his wit entertained me for hours.

‘WALTER’ – a sticky end

On By jovisgoesIn Fun, Poetry1 Comment

In the bowels of the busy city
Where the frightened never show
Still hearing that sad and haunting song
Walter struck yet again some nights ago.

Cities often breed men like Walter
For it’s where the vulnerable stay
They’re poor and defenceless and easier meat
For people like Walter to steal them away.

But life’s full of irony as Walter found out
And to a sticky end he did come
For he picked on a man who was much worse than he
And his end was far from humdrum.

His end had come, he was no more
His crimes had caused such grief
But none of Walter’s victim’s friends
Felt anything but relief.

RIP  Walter

©Joe Wilson – ‘WALTER’ – a sticky end 2014